Last May, I decided to go back to being a medical assistant. Since I had let my certification lapse, I needed to go back and get my training updated. I applied to Everest. I changed my plans once I got there and took Massage Therapy instead. I realized, that I had started going down a more Holistic path in my thinking of healthcare, and this would get my foot in the door for - in my mind - healthier alternatives for me and my family.
In my intro mod, we watched a movie called "The Secret". A documentary on the book by the same name. It talks about how positive attitude attracts positive things to your life. Throwing out to the "Universe" what you want, and thinking positive about it, until the "Universe" throws your hearts desire to you. What you give is what you get, basically. Kind of "You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.” (John 14:13 NLT), but not quite hitting the mark. I ask God for what I need, what I want. I don't always get it, but that's life, right? I was just meant to suffer, and never get ahead.
It got me thinking. I really had a defeated attitude. Is that any way for a Christian to live? I would repeat over and over to my kids Chuck Swindoll's quote "The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it." (well, at least that last part). When they came home from school, with grumpy attitudes, I would say, "Tell me three good things that happened today.... and they can't be Lunch, Recess and Gym". And then, I found a plaque that read "There is always, always, always something to be thankful for". (I begged Mike for it, and he got it for me for Christmas!!) But, I wasn't practicing it. I was using them as "reminders" for myself, (and things to beat my kids up with) and then saying "Yeah, right, whatever" in my head.
Then I noticed a friend was posting numbered "happy" grateful, things as her status. I asked her what it was she was doing, and she told me it was from a book by Ann Voscamp called "1000 Gifts". I ordered it for my NOOK and started reading it on the bus ride to class, and I started making my own list. I would write down things that would make me smile, and tell God thank you. I would also write down things that I was truly, truly grateful for.... working on changing the attitude, looking for positive, working on my gratitude level. Things started looking up. I was more content. And then.... I did it.....
I started yearning for more of Jesus. To be closer. I had fallen in love with Jesus when I was a little girl. But, was it really real? Did I really know him? Could I get to a point where I couldn't live without him? Did people truly see Him when they looked at me? Was I really seeing his face? So I said it.... "Jesus, I want to see your face. I want to fall totally, passionately, head over heels in love with you. I want to KNOW you." And then, it happened ... Jesus said "Jump."
The bottom started giving way. We lost a source of income that we had become dependent on. We probably shouldn't have, but it certainly made life easier, we could pay bills completely and even had a little extra to get things we wanted just because. Our Land contract buy out came due, and, although Mike's credit was clean, we were not qualifying for mortgages. I knew God would provide. He promised right?
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19 ESV)
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26 ESV)
So, all I need to do is tell God what we need, and He will provide us with a mortgage, or the money we need to buy the house he provided for us 5 years ago.
We lost the house. Because I was looking for rainbows, I didn't prepare for rain. We had no place to go, and one week to go there! Morgan moved out, "to make it easier for us." We rented a storage unit, and piled all our stuff in. We moved in with friends.... Mike and I in one place, the kids in another. We had a month to get "back on our feet". The kids eventually came and stayed with us. We started looking for places to rent. We were given loans by friends and an advance on our previous lost income, so we had everything we needed to get a place to live. A house in an old neighborhood was available, and we decided to go for it even though we didn't want to go back there, and the house was $150.00 more than we could really afford. We couldn't rent it because there was an eviction on our record. WHAT!?!? The dates she gave us coincided with dates from a place we rented that was foreclosed on the Landlord. How could we be evicted? We never got anything.... we never saw the sheriff... we were never told we had two days to move.... we had closed on our "new forever home" five months after the date on the eviction. We went to legal aid because there would be no way to get a place to rent with this on our record, and we needed to see what we had to do. They sent us to the courthouse to look up our records. I found our name in their data base, but there were no records. All I saw was the word "Purged" after our names. I went to the clerk... yes, there was an eviction listed, no she couldn't print anything off, because there was nothing to print. "Find the landlord and clear it up with him", I was told. The only thing I found was a dispute with another tenant in 2013....after that, nothing... no address, no phone, nothing. Legal aid told us to write a general letter stating our side of the story, and ... well... best of luck. Our case was dismissed. At this point, going through a management company was not an option. They would see the eviction and turn us down, so we scoured Craigs list and Hot Pads, and Zillow, and Trulia to deal with property owners directly. That was weeks of houses rented before we saw the listing and several scams. Then, the car decided to die on us and the money we were given to get a place to live, had to be used to provide us with transportation to work. We were left with a mere $400.
Meanwhile, I'm praying and crying and praying and crying and begging prayers from a group of friends I put together who I knew had God's ear, and could intercede for me. Poor me, life is so hard. Life is so unfair. Then, Jesus spoke... "You have a roof over your head, you are not on the street, and you are together." "Yes, but it's not my house." "No, but it's mine. I gave it to this family. They are my people. They ARE the Church, just as I intended it to be." "Thank you. You are my protector. You are my provision. You are amazing.... You are Good." One of my intercessors said to me: "I'm reading in Job right now, in my morning time with God...Satan can only do what God allows him to, no more. But that "sifting like wheat" (Luke 22:31) can sure put us through the ringer! Know that Jesus Christ is praying for you, too, that your faith would not fail you. And the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf, too, with groanings too deep for words. (Rom. 8:26-27) And your friends are here to wrap our arms around you in prayer as well. Hold tight to Him, whatever He is taking your family through right now. Hold tight!"
Wow! Satan is threatened by... me??! The praises started flowing. They became more automatic, not my usual "Oh God what am I going to do?..... I mean, Thank you God for all you have done, now what do I do?" My mornings start with "Thank you Jesus, I love you." or "Oh God, I love you so much, thank you for all that you do for us." Morgan told a friend "I feel like Job. Like God has been asked to prove our faithfulness to Him," and his friend said, "And look how that turned out for Job!"
Our month was up, and we still had no place to go, and no money to get it. Then a friend told me about an apartment complex on the northwest side of town. Well, with our "record" I don't know, but I'll give it a try. I went to look at the apartment. The rooms were bigger than in any house we lived in, but there was no storage... we'd have to keep the unit. We only have to pay electric and cable.... we can afford the unit now. We have an eviction, here's the story..... Hmm. Well, I will talk with the owner. Phone call the next day. You can have the apartment, but you have to have double the deposit because of the eviction record. Money loaned again, bank accounts emptied. We have our own place. No food or toilet paper, but we have a place to live. In the weeks since, God has provided our gas and food and yes, toilet paper in the "nick of time".
But the BEST part of all this is not all the financial and physical provision. It's so much more, so much deeper. I have fallen crazy, passionately in love with Jesus. I can see his face... I can hear his voice, and I am overwhelmed. I can feel when my spirit at peace. I recognize when I'm under spiritual attack, and I can boldly stand up to Satan and remind him WHOSE I am. It's still a work in progress, and will be until I'm home with Jesus. It's hard to put into words what this whole experience has done for me. I don't want to sound "holier than thou", and that I've found the secret to perfection.... because I haven't. I know how fragile I am, and how quickly I can fall into my old ways. It's a journey.... that's the only way to describe it. It’s a journey, with a lot of little side paths to catch my attention. It's my choice to avoid them and stay on the path Jesus is leading me on, or get back on the right path when I've wandered off. There is still a lot for me to learn, and a lot to be changed in my heart, like sacrificial trust, and loving people... I mean, REALLY loving people.
I'm still learning to trust and live by faith, totally dependent on God... nothing else. I still have moments of tears and sobbing, "Oh God, what are we going to do?" Then when I come to my senses, I say, "Jesus, you said you would provide for our needs. Well, this is what we need..... I'm leaving it with you now, and going to work. Thank you." We always have what we need, (including toilet paper) when we need it. It's been quite a journey.... so far.
In my intro mod, we watched a movie called "The Secret". A documentary on the book by the same name. It talks about how positive attitude attracts positive things to your life. Throwing out to the "Universe" what you want, and thinking positive about it, until the "Universe" throws your hearts desire to you. What you give is what you get, basically. Kind of "You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.” (John 14:13 NLT), but not quite hitting the mark. I ask God for what I need, what I want. I don't always get it, but that's life, right? I was just meant to suffer, and never get ahead.
It got me thinking. I really had a defeated attitude. Is that any way for a Christian to live? I would repeat over and over to my kids Chuck Swindoll's quote "The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it." (well, at least that last part). When they came home from school, with grumpy attitudes, I would say, "Tell me three good things that happened today.... and they can't be Lunch, Recess and Gym". And then, I found a plaque that read "There is always, always, always something to be thankful for". (I begged Mike for it, and he got it for me for Christmas!!) But, I wasn't practicing it. I was using them as "reminders" for myself, (and things to beat my kids up with) and then saying "Yeah, right, whatever" in my head.
Then I noticed a friend was posting numbered "happy" grateful, things as her status. I asked her what it was she was doing, and she told me it was from a book by Ann Voscamp called "1000 Gifts". I ordered it for my NOOK and started reading it on the bus ride to class, and I started making my own list. I would write down things that would make me smile, and tell God thank you. I would also write down things that I was truly, truly grateful for.... working on changing the attitude, looking for positive, working on my gratitude level. Things started looking up. I was more content. And then.... I did it.....
I started yearning for more of Jesus. To be closer. I had fallen in love with Jesus when I was a little girl. But, was it really real? Did I really know him? Could I get to a point where I couldn't live without him? Did people truly see Him when they looked at me? Was I really seeing his face? So I said it.... "Jesus, I want to see your face. I want to fall totally, passionately, head over heels in love with you. I want to KNOW you." And then, it happened ... Jesus said "Jump."
The bottom started giving way. We lost a source of income that we had become dependent on. We probably shouldn't have, but it certainly made life easier, we could pay bills completely and even had a little extra to get things we wanted just because. Our Land contract buy out came due, and, although Mike's credit was clean, we were not qualifying for mortgages. I knew God would provide. He promised right?
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19 ESV)
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26 ESV)
So, all I need to do is tell God what we need, and He will provide us with a mortgage, or the money we need to buy the house he provided for us 5 years ago.
We lost the house. Because I was looking for rainbows, I didn't prepare for rain. We had no place to go, and one week to go there! Morgan moved out, "to make it easier for us." We rented a storage unit, and piled all our stuff in. We moved in with friends.... Mike and I in one place, the kids in another. We had a month to get "back on our feet". The kids eventually came and stayed with us. We started looking for places to rent. We were given loans by friends and an advance on our previous lost income, so we had everything we needed to get a place to live. A house in an old neighborhood was available, and we decided to go for it even though we didn't want to go back there, and the house was $150.00 more than we could really afford. We couldn't rent it because there was an eviction on our record. WHAT!?!? The dates she gave us coincided with dates from a place we rented that was foreclosed on the Landlord. How could we be evicted? We never got anything.... we never saw the sheriff... we were never told we had two days to move.... we had closed on our "new forever home" five months after the date on the eviction. We went to legal aid because there would be no way to get a place to rent with this on our record, and we needed to see what we had to do. They sent us to the courthouse to look up our records. I found our name in their data base, but there were no records. All I saw was the word "Purged" after our names. I went to the clerk... yes, there was an eviction listed, no she couldn't print anything off, because there was nothing to print. "Find the landlord and clear it up with him", I was told. The only thing I found was a dispute with another tenant in 2013....after that, nothing... no address, no phone, nothing. Legal aid told us to write a general letter stating our side of the story, and ... well... best of luck. Our case was dismissed. At this point, going through a management company was not an option. They would see the eviction and turn us down, so we scoured Craigs list and Hot Pads, and Zillow, and Trulia to deal with property owners directly. That was weeks of houses rented before we saw the listing and several scams. Then, the car decided to die on us and the money we were given to get a place to live, had to be used to provide us with transportation to work. We were left with a mere $400.
Meanwhile, I'm praying and crying and praying and crying and begging prayers from a group of friends I put together who I knew had God's ear, and could intercede for me. Poor me, life is so hard. Life is so unfair. Then, Jesus spoke... "You have a roof over your head, you are not on the street, and you are together." "Yes, but it's not my house." "No, but it's mine. I gave it to this family. They are my people. They ARE the Church, just as I intended it to be." "Thank you. You are my protector. You are my provision. You are amazing.... You are Good." One of my intercessors said to me: "I'm reading in Job right now, in my morning time with God...Satan can only do what God allows him to, no more. But that "sifting like wheat" (Luke 22:31) can sure put us through the ringer! Know that Jesus Christ is praying for you, too, that your faith would not fail you. And the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf, too, with groanings too deep for words. (Rom. 8:26-27) And your friends are here to wrap our arms around you in prayer as well. Hold tight to Him, whatever He is taking your family through right now. Hold tight!"
Wow! Satan is threatened by... me??! The praises started flowing. They became more automatic, not my usual "Oh God what am I going to do?..... I mean, Thank you God for all you have done, now what do I do?" My mornings start with "Thank you Jesus, I love you." or "Oh God, I love you so much, thank you for all that you do for us." Morgan told a friend "I feel like Job. Like God has been asked to prove our faithfulness to Him," and his friend said, "And look how that turned out for Job!"
Our month was up, and we still had no place to go, and no money to get it. Then a friend told me about an apartment complex on the northwest side of town. Well, with our "record" I don't know, but I'll give it a try. I went to look at the apartment. The rooms were bigger than in any house we lived in, but there was no storage... we'd have to keep the unit. We only have to pay electric and cable.... we can afford the unit now. We have an eviction, here's the story..... Hmm. Well, I will talk with the owner. Phone call the next day. You can have the apartment, but you have to have double the deposit because of the eviction record. Money loaned again, bank accounts emptied. We have our own place. No food or toilet paper, but we have a place to live. In the weeks since, God has provided our gas and food and yes, toilet paper in the "nick of time".
But the BEST part of all this is not all the financial and physical provision. It's so much more, so much deeper. I have fallen crazy, passionately in love with Jesus. I can see his face... I can hear his voice, and I am overwhelmed. I can feel when my spirit at peace. I recognize when I'm under spiritual attack, and I can boldly stand up to Satan and remind him WHOSE I am. It's still a work in progress, and will be until I'm home with Jesus. It's hard to put into words what this whole experience has done for me. I don't want to sound "holier than thou", and that I've found the secret to perfection.... because I haven't. I know how fragile I am, and how quickly I can fall into my old ways. It's a journey.... that's the only way to describe it. It’s a journey, with a lot of little side paths to catch my attention. It's my choice to avoid them and stay on the path Jesus is leading me on, or get back on the right path when I've wandered off. There is still a lot for me to learn, and a lot to be changed in my heart, like sacrificial trust, and loving people... I mean, REALLY loving people.
I'm still learning to trust and live by faith, totally dependent on God... nothing else. I still have moments of tears and sobbing, "Oh God, what are we going to do?" Then when I come to my senses, I say, "Jesus, you said you would provide for our needs. Well, this is what we need..... I'm leaving it with you now, and going to work. Thank you." We always have what we need, (including toilet paper) when we need it. It's been quite a journey.... so far.
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